Meet Zooni! She’s a blind dancer from Kashmir! For her – East or West, India is THE BEST! She’s preparing for a trip to Delhi to perform at a concert dedicated to Republic Day.
Her parents are also adorable, but VERY misguided.
In Delhi, Zooni and her friends meet Rehan. Rehan likes himself very much.
The basil issue and his sweet sweet moves were probably the main things that undermined the “Casanova” image Fanaa creators were going for.
Also, let’s be real, the boy Aamir Khan may have been cute, but the man Aamir Khan is not exactly a charmer.
But hey, Zooni is blind, so the aged hobbit look is not turning her off.
They have a very weird courtship, cause Rehan keeps on showing up late, getting into her personal space, scaring her with spooky stories and unexpectedly grabbing her from behind.
To make it even weirder (and to solidfy Rehan’s street cred) Lara Dutta shows up for 3 seconds. This gives ol’ basil boy a chance to check out her cleavage and make it clear to Zooni that he’s a playa, who has “needs” and not “feelings”.
On Republic Day, Zooni performs with her friends, while Rehan watches.
After the concert, Zooni tries some of Rehan’s own flirting techniques.
Rehan is totally freaked that the person, whom he pursued aggressively for days is liking him back. Instead of behaving like a normal person and letting the blind girl down easy, he just doesn’t show up for their next date. Rotten basil!
Desperate, she stalks him at his job and gets him to agree to another day together. A DAY THAT ENDS IN PRE-MARITAL SEX! SHOCK!
The morning after Rehan ditches Zooni at the train station…
…only to come back for her in about 15 minutes! Not so rotten, after all!
He stops the train and carries Zooni away, while her dumb friends start referencing certain movies they should NOT be referencing!
THE ONLY BRAVEHEART THAT EVER TOOK THE BRIDE WAS THIS GUY RIGHT HERE!
HMPH! Meanwhile, Rehan has carried Zooni straight to the hospital.
Where it turns out that her blindness can be easily reversed!
But this is only the first half of the movie! Surely, this can’t be the happy ending? And, of course, it’s NOT. Cause a Kashmiri terrorist group blew up the government building, where Zooni was performing the other night!
And Rehan’s bracelets were in the building.
We cut to TABU (actually this was probably the most pointless cameon of 2006, sorry, Lara Dutta) talking about the mastermind of the Kashmiri terrorist group that organized the bombing.
Her speech is interpersed with shots of a man walking…and when the camera finally pans over his face, we see that the genius terrorist is none other than BASIL BOY!
DUM DUM DUM! THE PLOT THICKENS!