Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (Photo Recap Pt. 1)

KANK! Don’t judge me harshly, but I have a soft spot for Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. I know that a lot of people are offended by the subject matter of KANK, but…seriously? KANK is just so silly, that I find it hard to be offended. It’s like a sitcom mixed with a European play! Also, nobody should ever take KANK seriously for the following reasons:

  • First of all, it’s a total ripoff of the De Niro/Streep starrer “Falling In Love”.  A ripoff so blatant I’m surprised no one has ever called KJo out on it.
  • Secondly, don’t tell me KJo wasn’t watching Dr. House before writing this movie, cause Shah Rukh’s douche of a character was definetely inspired by a certain diagnostician with a limp.
  • Thirdly, the three people who wrote this movie either did not communicate with each other or were on mood-altering drugs, cause that’s the only way I can explain the wild shifts in the narrative. Masala movies have got NOTHING on KANK.
  • Lastly…the freaking BLACK BEAST plot. Come on, now. Any movie that features something as silly as that BLACK BEAST plot, can not be judged seriously.

With all these highly important points out of the way, I present you our four protagonists.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-20h51m54s14

Desi Beckham aka Dev, who has just signed a $5 million contract to play professional football in the US. Yeah. That’s not a typo…FIVE MILLION. For football aka soccer. In the US of A. Ahem. (I told you KANK was silly!).

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-20h50m51s148

Riya, Dev’s wifey, who has just been appointed chief editor of a major fashion magazine.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-20h50m41s47

Maya, who is ambivalent about getting married.

vlcsnap-2013-04-25-21h45m24s188

Rishi, who loves Maya, but is ambivalent about getting married, cause he’s scared she doesn’t love him back. Also in the frame, Rishi’s pervy Dad Samarjeet aka Sexy Sam.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-20h54m51s242

Dev chances upon Maya contemplating her upcoming shaadi on a bench (what is it with KJo and benches?). He convinces her to be pragmatic and give marriage a shot, reasoning that romantic love is basically a marketing ploy.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-20h56m16s68

Right after sharing the unsolicited advice, future superstar of US football gets hit by a car. RIP $5 million.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h56m30s115

Four years later, and New York is terrorized by BLACK BEAST, a serial kidnapper, who wears a long black coat and snatches little children.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h22m55s188

Dev has developed a limp and a personality of an angry asshole, but he’s not the BLACK BEAST.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h23m38s109

Maya’s not the BLACK BEAST either, but she’s totally regretting the marriage thing.

vlcsnap-2013-04-25-22h30m55s124

BLACK BEAST reunites our one-time acquaintances, when Maya overhears Dev chiding his little son for poor footballing skills. Rightly freaked out by threats of “cutting into tiny pieces and making jamba juice out of you”, she thinks Dev is the BLACK BEAST.

vlcsnap-2013-04-25-22h31m30s211

What follows could have been lifted straight out of a Benny Hill special. She grabs the boy and runs, with Dev in hot pursuit. BLACK BEAST confusion ensues. It all ends with Dev hitting her in the head with a football.

vlcsnap-2013-04-29-00h19m42s176

Rishi and Riya meet while picking up their black beasts from the hospital.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h32m54s37

Dev and Maya have recognized each other from four years ago and are already bickering.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h32m59s85

vlcsnap-2013-04-29-00h18m37s40

 A week later, they meet in the train station and witness Rishi and Riya getting friendly.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h34m02s206

What follows is another segment straight out of The Benny Hill Show.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h34m31s239

Dev is jealous!

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h34m35s22

Maya is also jealous!

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h34m21s133

Sexy Sam is always surrounded by prostitutes (I’m not being mean or anything, these women are literally call girls)! Anyway, of course, there is nothing going on between Rishi and Riya. Rishi was only trying to get Riya to come to the party his PR firm had organized.

vlcsnap-2013-04-29-00h20m39s228

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h37m01s199

The two black beasts stand around in the corner during the whole party, cause they’re too anti-social to mingle and dance with Kajol.

vlcsnap-2013-04-29-00h22m44s199

vlcsnap-2013-04-29-00h21m42s91

Sexy Sam tries some ice-breaking exercises to ease the tension.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h40m32s4

Instead of talking to their respective spouses or going to counseling or something (you know, like normal people), Dev and Maya decide to join forces and fix their marriages with self-help books and a number of unconventional methods.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h41m54s61

I’m assuming that they’re not getting laid at all, cause in order to solve their marital problems…

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h43m10s55

…Maya teaches Dev to talk dirty to Riya…

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h43m45s143

…and Dev advises Maya to buy skimpy lingerie and a whip.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h44m52s50

The massage and the dirty talk don’t work well for Riya.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h45m49s102

The dominatrix act also goes horribly wrong, cause Maya decides to blindfold herself (WHY?!). She shows up brandishing her whip to a room full of Rishi’s friends and his creepy Dad.

vlcsnap-2013-04-26-00h19m32s67

Content with the minimal effort they’ve put in the “fix our marriages” project, Dev and Maya just hang out and go on “friend dates”.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h47m47s1

Pyaar dosti hai…you know the drill.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h55m46s190

Meanwhile the real problems in Dev’s marriage come to the surface.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h56m04s114

Riya rightly accuses Dev of being a narrow-minded misogynist and a bitter curmudgeon.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h56m58s138

Maya’s lack of enthusiasm also riles Rishi up.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h57m32s224

He calls her out on marrying him for the wrong reasons and lets it slip in a moment of rage, that he wants the child he can’t have.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h57m38s31

Being the black beasts that they are, both Maya and Dev end up at the train station in the middle of the night.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h58m39s124

UGH.

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-21h59m08s160

For one short millisecond they agree to NOT have an affair. But then…

vlcsnap-2013-04-22-22h00m46s117

Whoopsie daisy!

Part 2

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (Photo Recap Pt. 1)

  1. LOL. Love your photo recaps. Now I think I just might have to rewatch KANK, because I’d told wiped the ‘Black Beast’ from my memory.

  2. Reblogged this on The Happy Lifeaholic and commented:
    I was just re-watching this Bollywood movie, and I found this genius picture summary of it that I just had to share. 😀 If I get time in the future, I’m going to create picture summaries of every movie I can watch 😀
    p.s. Part 2 of this coming next

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s